This is a remake of my previous blog 2 years ago about laying down your intention of courtship to a woman. I revised some parts to be more handy and practical for men who are planning to lay down their intention of courtship to a woman.
Whenever single men ask me about laying down their intention to a woman I realize I have cookie cut answer to them based on the experience that I had with my wife. But this is just a personal thing for me, but I have been guided by these principles that lead me to where I am now. These thoughts may not work for some depending on the culture they’re living in, but the principles and questions are timeless for men who really want to lay a clear and strong foundation towards marriage. Women, you are welcome to read so that you’ll know how men think through this.
These are wisdom I got from my pastors and my mentors in the area of relationships. But let me define first for the single men and women what is “laying down of intention”. It’s clarifying your intention of courtship to the woman you want to marry.
The premise of this process is a great friendship. I believe without the foundation of friendship, entering to a romantic relationship would be very difficult.
Here are the principles in question form that I share when I tell eligible men how I laid my intention to my wife.
1. Why do I have to lay down my intention of courting her?
It’s helpful to ask yourself the purpose, why you want to express your feelings to a woman. Here are some good questions to ask yourself:
- Am I willing to change my current status of being single to someone who will pursue a relationship?
- Do I see marriage at the end of courtship?
- Am I willing to pursue her even if she says no?
2. Who are the godly husbands (not single men) that I know and who I can talk with about expressing my feelings to the woman I want to court?
It’s really wise to talk with people who have gone ahead of you. It will challenge your desire to do it on your own but will definitely save you a lot of heart aches.
3. How can I be clear in expressing my intentions to her in a manner that will not defraud or communicate uncertainty?
Be clear in communicating how you feel about her. You can tell her how much you appreciate her and would want your present relationship to level up from friendship to courtship. The wordings are usually best made with the help of men who has gone ahead of you. Seek help about this.
If she says yes, its wise to really clarify at that point your role for each other. As men this is our responsibility. We don’t assume they’ll know what to do after they said yes to you. In my case, I told Char that she is not my girlfriend when she said yes to me in courtship and I’m not his boyfriend, meaning she is not obliged to respond to me whenever I pursue her. I want her to feel that she is pursued at this stage and not obliged to always entertain my moves towards her.
If she says no, it’s still wise to clarify what is she saying no for:
- Is she saying no to you? This might be a deciding point whether you need to wait more or pursue in the future.
- Is she saying no to the timing? This can be a deciding point for both of you to pray more about it and ask more counsel how to navigate through it.
These are the principles and questions that guided me when I was going through that season of transition from being single to married. Hope this serves more as a guide to a wiser decision as you believe God to guide you in your walk as a single person.
What advice can you give single men how to be clear with their intentions to the woman they plan to pursue?